Once every few hundred years there comes along something truly great. Even less often, is that something actually rewarded for it’s greatness. We’d like to thank MTV today for doing what everybody was hoping for and finally awarding Smartfood a lifetime achievement award. Before we get into the details we’d like to point out the use of a spaceman on the award, symbolizing that Neil Armstrong, despite decent achievement, can only aspire to be a bag of Smartfood’s miniature pet.

Smartfood (according to Wikipedia) was first created in 1985 by Andrew Martin, Ken Meyers, and Martin’s wife Ann Withey. The popcorn itself was originally to be sold in the actual product, re-sealable packages. Based on how many of these re-sealable packages we’ve seen in use since then we think it’s pretty obvious it was a piece of crap and that only helped it’s packaged air-popped goodness to shine brighter. Since then Smartfood has had it’s share of ups and downs, easily tumultuous enough to score itself an E True Hollywood story. But it never did star in that True Hollywood Story and, instead, starred in our hearts as people all over the world discovered this tasty treat.

In it’s early years the White Cheddar Champion was known to the “pop”arazzi as a bit of a partier. The little black bag was seen on the cover of numerous publications and even starred in a leaked sex tape at one point. At times it was all Andy, Kenny, and Annie could do to keep their air-popped love coming home each night where they could at least rest knowing he was asleep in his bed, not the gutter. As Smartfood grew up and realized it was in a world where butter and fake cheese were king he had a bit of an identity crisis. Knowing it was always cheaper to pop corn in oil, Smartfood became destructive. Mixing in with a bad crowd of gummie animals and high-sugared sodas, Ess Eff, as the snack was nicknamed by his new friends, began experimenting with drugs. Lacking a mouth and having no place to hide his trackmarks, Ess Eff began to mix his light coat of white cheddar with a decidedly more dangerous white powder. Through the mid to late 80s Smartfood was jokingly called “Dumbfood” and “Smart Crack Whore.” It seemed the snack wouldn’t survive another year, let alone decade, when it was rescued by an unseeming hero in 1989, Frito-Lay.

Frito-Lay paid off the medical and damage bills (reportedly at 14.5 million American dollars) for the young snack and took over custody immediately. Frito promised the snack what it had already given up on dreaming of — immortality and universal love. Since that time Smartfood has really come to it’s own. Realizing that drugs and self-destruction are not the way to go, the Cheddar hero has gone on extensive touring, mostly to elementary and high schools, to share it’s story of life, death, and rebirth. Not that Smartfood got all weird and religious, just a bit more responsible. As the snack went through great pains to change its image it grew more fully into the Smartfood we know and love today.

Currently sold at over 9,000 stores world-wide, Smartfood is now the most popular white cheddar cheese flavored air-popped snack in history. Over six hundred million kernels of Smartfood Popcord are consumed every ten minutes and the snack is the most searched for pre-packaged snack on google.com. It is with humility and awe that we present this MTV lifetime achievement award to the most deserving consumer product in history, Smartfood Popcorn.

Smartfood’s speech: ” ”

Truly humbling*.

With love,
White Cheddar

*Some or all of the preceding statements may or may not be complete fabrications

This is a belly dance troupe. Do you know the most important part of a belly dancer? Her belly! And after a hard days performance what do these particular dancers use to relax? What kind of miracle snack have they discovered that keeps them full of energy and sexy bellies? Smartfood! When asked why they have such a disturbing love for Smartfood they all shouted (in frightening unison): “It’s good for the heart, mind, soul…and MY BELLY!” Nineteen time world champion cabaret/belly dancer Keziah said of the snack: “If it weren’t for this popcorn I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now. I mean, I could be face down in a gutter in Milwaukee…Or just hungry. Either way, it’s not something I like to think about.” Heavy words for the young dancer.

So get out there and buy some Smartfood! YOU could be the next world champion belly dancer*!

-White Cheddar

*Probably not

Who better to lie down with after a long day hittin’ fat forty-footers and shredding rails than a nice full bag of Air-popped goodness? Nobody, I submit. At least no one who will remain as tasty, fresh, AND comfortable as a nice full (not for long) bag of Smartfood popcorn. Which is why our Smartfood fan of the day is Claire, the hardest riding female rider this side of sanity (the “in” side). Keep shredding and eating like wicked smartly tasty.

-White Cheddar